What being a disabled millennial like

I guess it’s been exactly a year since I started blogging. I started writing with the intention of gaining some perspective in my life and it totally worked. I’m right and everyone is terrible.

At the start of the year I had my trusty neuromuscular disease which makes it impossible for me to physically care for myself, my mother’s Alzheimer’s had gotten to the point where she could no longer physically or mentally care for herself, auntie had been in my life for a few years helping me try to get her medical help and deal with the endless paperwork x2 that comes with disability. She was the only family member that even pretended to make an effort in my life, but the stress of it was obviously getting to her.

And I was losing my god damn mind so I started this blog.

The major thing I realized is something I already thought I knew; being disabled is like being in a completely different reality that normal people only have some vague sense of, like gravity but really can’t comprehend. What I specifically learned throughout this year, though, is that they willfully remain ignorant because of their narcissism.

That sounds incredibly rude but in some cases I mean it in the nicest way. Some able-bodied people simply never learned that TV isn’t real. When they hear anything about the reality of living a disabled life and how it has nothing to do with your health but everything to do with violent bigotry they try to convince you that any bad situation is an outlier. ABs refuse to acknowledge disability to avoid feeling guilty; those people legitimately don’t know how common and easy it is to step over a dying body while complaining about the smell.

There are some people who genuinely don’t know better and so they are eager to help, impatient for the praise. It’ll get them praise, but they can’t handle it for long.
For my Mormon uncle it was the very minute that I called him to let him know that his sister was sick that he became overwhelmed and he insisted we both be sent to homes. He had no idea why I was so opposed to the suggestion because it wasn’t as if anyone would want to rape me or anything.

I know I heard that clearly because he was screaming it through the telephone.

Auntie pressured me into putting mom into a home and then to make sure I can make no decisions she told them I was mentally ill and all around general liar so I wasn’t allowed to have contact with my mother. After mom got kicked out after week for unruly behavior I found out from the carefully worded discharge papers that she had been raped in the shower. Whether Auntie knew that are not I don’t know but it was the last time I ever saw her.

Up until then, though, Auntie worked incredibly hard to help us but the weight of sainthood became too much. There were multiple times where she would throw my medical cards at me from the end of my bed while yelling at me for not knowing how to love correctly. To her credit, she wasn’t completely wrong.

She said I was being condescending when I constantly apologized for being a burden and then I halted every conversation with the incessant need to thank everyone for just being there. True. It took me being forced into a role-play game before I really understood that.

I like helping people out. I like seeing people relieved and happy when I can unexpectedly provide a solution. I like feeling that I can have at least a slight impact on other people that isn’t horrible.

What I don’t like is people making it weird by being awkward, thanking and apologizing to me every few seconds. When they insist on thanking me it hurts my feelings because it seems like they’re surprised I would do something nice. When people won’t stop thanking me it’s alienating. When someone puts you on a pedestal is not only objectifying but lonely because you’re no longer equal.

What I still don’t understand is what the hell I’m supposed to do.

When I go somewhere I have to get their permission to go. When I do something I have to get their permission to do it. When I eat I have to have proven that I’m worth the waste and produce.

How can I not thank them?

How can I take the risk of not thanking them?

It used to infuriate me and people told me I had no idea what the “real world” was like when the only world they know is Pollyanna’s but now I can’t help but agree. In the real world you don’t have to pretend not to know your friends in public.  In the real world you go to the police for help instead of avoiding them. In the real world you don’t apologize to other people when they hit you. In the real world strangers don’t tell you that your God’s punishment on humanity. In the real world you check the mailbox for bills, paperwork to fill out for permission to live for another month.

In the real world a real person wouldn’t have their healthcare taken away for having an extra $100 in the bank, a real person would be allowed to have more than $2,000. Especially if everything was as expensive in the real world as it is here.

Even after a year finally coming to terms with never getting the promotion to human I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

Although I have to fight for it every day I’m still living in my home, unlike my ancestors. Even if I’m not allowed to own it.

Also unlike my ancestors I’m trapped inside my bedroom but I have the technology to talk to people all over the world. Not people from the real world but people like myself who are going through the same things that I am. I never know how long I have them but thanks to the sheer number of us I’m never alone. More and more of them grow exhausted and are forced to commit suicide but it’s a less lonely than it would’ve been even just over a decade ago.

We have the ability to communicate and create things as long as it’s not in exchange for currency and because of that and realizing that there are people in the real world who do care about what’s going on in the outskirts of The Real World™; AB and NT people my age, millennial’s who have helped me survive with much more dignity than any other American generation has before them.

I’ve proofread homework in exchange for dinner. I’ve written essays on Deadpool in exchange for toilet paper. I’ve reviewed movies for hair dye.

I have no hope for society itself but I have hope for humanity now that I know that there are people unlike my family but things haven’t changed enough for me to even have a conclusion to this post. Still, I have the ability to make this post and as pathetic as it is I’m thankful for that.

Why Captain America and the Avengers are racists

The X-Men are great metaphor for disability and the Inhumans are great metaphor for second generation disabled people, people who weren’t born disabled but became disabled. The two groups are very similar but the X-Men got that way because of genetics and Inhumans got that way because of the physical act, entering the Terrigen mists.

The X-Men are great metaphor for disability and the Inhumans are great metaphor for second generation disabled people, people who weren’t born disabled but became disabled. The two groups are very similar but the X-Men got that way because of genetics and Inhumans got that way because of the physical act, entering the Terrigen mists.

Gifted is the new TV show based in the XMCU, about the X-Men, and the MCU is releasing their show The Inhumans.

It’s confusing because both are from Marvel but different studios own the movie rights to technically in the movies the Avengers and the X-Men don’t live in the same universe. Spider-Man is now with the Avengers because of a business deal between Fox and Disney.

Still, I thought it might be a good idea to share the dynamic between them in the comic. I think it’ll better explain the metaphor and people like Captain America too much.

Mutants are legitimate race

In the Marvel universe, specifically the 616 which is what we used to refer to the main comic continuity, mutants are an actual race. They were created to be an allegory for all marginalized people and so unlike characters like Captain America who was mutated and is categorized as a “mutate” the X-Men, and other mutants, belong to the “mutant race” which can and does intersect with all other races. Some people argue that just being an allegory isn’t enough, that they aren’t actually good representation, but you would be hard-pressed to find a straight white able-bodied cis man in the X-Men.

Havok is a good example. He is a straight white able-bodied cis man who also happens to be a mutant. When he joined the Avengers he did so by making a public statement that he didn’t want to be known as a mutant

This is the equivalent of saying “your race doesn’t matter, we are all a part of the human race”

Kitty, a bisexual Jewish WOC and one of the highest-ranking X-Men, spoke for most of the mutants when she dismissed him

More than anything, mutants work best when they are an allegory for disabled people despite the fact that many X-Men are also disabled. They best represent people like me, people who are disabled due to a gene mutation. Their existence scares people, your child could be one and you may never know until puberty, the way their body works is scary, some of them are scary to look at but some of them have passing privilege and look like everyone else which means anyone could be one and you’ll never know.

Even the kindest humans (including mutates) who don’t wish them harm agree that the world would be better off without them. It would be safer. People like Captain America are different because they are selected to be given powers that don’t make them look frightening. Sometimes bad people select another bad person (or themselves) and give them powers but they can be easily targeted by the likes of Captain America and taken care of. Mutants can come out of nowhere, anyone can be one with the right recessive genes.

Throughout the years we have seen them go through genocide after genocide, internment camps, programs to make them human again (think straight camp or faith healings), required genetic testings to root them out of the population, segregation, etc. all the bad things that happened to marginalized people in the world.

What does this have to do with the Avengers?

The Avengers are sort of specialized police team. They have the same problems we have with police in the real world. The Avengers are a group of selected superpowered people used only to fight the world’s biggest problems, like alien invaders. Worldwide genocide (amongst the other things we listed) is arguably one of the world’s biggest problems and we’ve seen that it’s something they actually address. Captain America himself was ironically created to fight Hitler and the extermination of the Jewish race and we’ve seen the Avengers as a team fight genocide time and time again, even off the world with the Kree. The Avengers have never done anything to aid the mutants. They often facilitate their genocide.

What’s the Mutant Massacre?

The example many X-Men fans like to use for this is the Mutant Massacre. The mutant population was very scarce at the time and very divided between passing and non-passing mutants. Mutants without passing privilege tended to have to go underground and one of the largest groups was called the Morlocks to who lived in the abandoned underground and sewers of New York which they called the Morlocks Tunnels. Their leader was Callisto (well, some of the time Storm was their official leader but she is always busy running the X-Men so Callisto is always in charge)

Obviously mutants without passing privilege have had to stay in hiding or they would be murdered

So, the Morlocks were targeted and almost all were murdered

Parents lost children

And children lost parents

The only Avenger involved was Thor who came in towards the end, mostly to see the aftermath

but the culprits are still in the tunnel, and his enemy Hela shows up, so he blasts the tunnels

Not one of his best decisions but he got a pass because he didn’t hurt that many people even though he desecrated all the bodies.

This genocide had a huge effect on the mutant population and it’s considered one of the most important events of mutant history so even children are taught about it

Why did the X-Men hold this against the Avengers?

There’s nothing the Avengers could really do, they weren’t there at the time so they couldn’t have joined in the rescue effort but they also stayed silent on the event. The mutant population was almost exterminated, the world was in favor of that the extermination, and the most respected authority figures on Earth ignored it.

That, alone, is not why mutants hold a grudge, it’s the fact that things like this continue to happen and the Avengers never step in to help or even tell people “hey, genocide isn’t cool” so the Mutant Massacre is sort of seen as the beginning of their continued failings.

But there are mutants on the Avengers

Yes. Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are mutants and also Avengers but they have always distanced themselves from the mutant community and even caused a genocide of their own (well, Scarlet Witch did) so they are seen as race traitors.

Namor is also a mutant but he doesn’t really identify as one. He has always lived separate from mutant communities, specifically in Atlantis, and considers himself Atlantean. He does fight against the Avengers to protect mutants but his justification is never based on race alone. Wolverine and Beast are mutants and a long time Avengers but for some reason get mostly a pass. Wolverine always claims to have no alliances and the two have been rationalized to have not been able to do anything to make the Avengers as a team help although they would leave to fight beside the X-Men. Not everyone forgives them. Arguably the only member (before Unity which we will get to in a minute) that is a mutant and powerful enough to have any sway is Storm but she was a recruit of Shattered Heroes which takes place after the Fear Itself event which was a time when the whole Earth was shot to hell thanks to Asgardian drama. She left later

So, why is Captain America singled out?

All this contention between the two groups came to a head during the Avengers vs X-Men event. Thanks to Scarlet Witch’s genocide mutants are nearly extinct at this point but there is some hope because a cosmic entity known as the Phoenix Force is heading toward Earth. Some mutants can become a host for it (mostly women from Jean Grey’s line) and do extraordinary things, like unsterilizing the mutants so there will be a future generation. The Phoenix Force isn’t always helpful. It got the better of Jean Grey and she turned evil but her daughter Rachel was always able to handle it well and now they have Hope who had been training her whole life to be the savior of mutant kind.

The X-Men are preparing for the Phoenix Force, to have Hope host it and save their race. The Avengers are preparing for the Phoenix Force, hoping to avoid the whole ordeal. Captain America goes to the segregated island where the mutants are living to take Hope into custody. She has done nothing but she has no rights and if she’s going to become powerful Captain America wants to be the one in control of her. He isn’t taking her from some evil group, he’s taking her from the X-Men.

Even Namor sides with the X-Men

Due to Avenger interference the Phoenix Force was broken up and absorbed by a handful of X-Men who use the power to re-fertilize the mutant race and to do humanitarian work all over the world to set an example for what the Avengers could and should have done.

This led to the creation of the meme “Cyclops was right”

Of course it all eventually went to shit because the Phoenix Force wasn’t absorbed into the right vessels but at least now mutants were beginning to be born again.

Captain America was sorry

Afterward Captain America considered their history and realized he had been an asshole so his solution was to put together a new Avenger team called “Unity” that has human members (like himself), Mutants, Inhumans, and Deadpool who is technically a mutate but is always associated with the mutants so he is kind of expected to be a drifter in alliances. Rogue is made the reluctant leader, never having been fond of the Avengers, but always siding with X-Men on their agenda to make peace among all the races.

Meanwhile, the Terrigen mists are traveling over the Earth and when they come into contact with mutants they make them infertile and give them a terminal disease but if they come into contact with latent Inhumans they come into their powers. Obviously these two groups are not getting along.

So, things escalate because the Inhumans now have a new member who can foresee possible futures and everyone is split on whether or not to preemptively stop possible tragedies. The Avengers are divided on how to use this intel but not at all concerned about this new genocide of the mutants.

Cable and Rogue decide to take care of mutant business by themselves.

Captain America smells drama and  is right that Deadpool is covering for the Mutants which was an easy enough guess because Deadpool’s ex-husband, Cable, is the one leading the “betrayal”

Cable and Rogue break into government laboratories to find out that humans are experimenting with Terrigen mists. It could be that they’re secretly trying to find a cure but considering that the government tries to either put them in internment camps or exterminate them every year that seems unlikely

but Captain America follows Deadpool and busts them

Cable and Captain America fight over a briefcase that has the Terrigen mist that the governments have been testing and Rogue gets bored

Deadpool follows the X-Men rule of “follow the highest-ranking woman” and now Captain America is extremely pissed.

Deadpool tries to explain that his allegiance to the mutants is because his daughter is a mutant (and with the Terrigen Mists going around it’s only a matter of time before she dies)

Captain America calls off the Unity team and says probably the worst thing he could think to say to Deadpool

He is, of course, referring to how Deadpool was in Weapon X and was tortured and disfigured.

What an asshole.

That should bring you to about 2017, I doubt the shows will refer to anything more recent and it’ll be interesting to see how they take these groups now that they can’t play off of each other.