What being a disabled millennial like

I guess it’s been exactly a year since I started blogging. I started writing with the intention of gaining some perspective in my life and it totally worked. I’m right and everyone is terrible.

At the start of the year I had my trusty neuromuscular disease which makes it impossible for me to physically care for myself, my mother’s Alzheimer’s had gotten to the point where she could no longer physically or mentally care for herself, auntie had been in my life for a few years helping me try to get her medical help and deal with the endless paperwork x2 that comes with disability. She was the only family member that even pretended to make an effort in my life, but the stress of it was obviously getting to her.

And I was losing my god damn mind so I started this blog.

The major thing I realized is something I already thought I knew; being disabled is like being in a completely different reality that normal people only have some vague sense of, like gravity but really can’t comprehend. What I specifically learned throughout this year, though, is that they willfully remain ignorant because of their narcissism.

That sounds incredibly rude but in some cases I mean it in the nicest way. Some able-bodied people simply never learned that TV isn’t real. When they hear anything about the reality of living a disabled life and how it has nothing to do with your health but everything to do with violent bigotry they try to convince you that any bad situation is an outlier. ABs refuse to acknowledge disability to avoid feeling guilty; those people legitimately don’t know how common and easy it is to step over a dying body while complaining about the smell.

There are some people who genuinely don’t know better and so they are eager to help, impatient for the praise. It’ll get them praise, but they can’t handle it for long.
For my Mormon uncle it was the very minute that I called him to let him know that his sister was sick that he became overwhelmed and he insisted we both be sent to homes. He had no idea why I was so opposed to the suggestion because it wasn’t as if anyone would want to rape me or anything.

I know I heard that clearly because he was screaming it through the telephone.

Auntie pressured me into putting mom into a home and then to make sure I can make no decisions she told them I was mentally ill and all around general liar so I wasn’t allowed to have contact with my mother. After mom got kicked out after week for unruly behavior I found out from the carefully worded discharge papers that she had been raped in the shower. Whether Auntie knew that are not I don’t know but it was the last time I ever saw her.

Up until then, though, Auntie worked incredibly hard to help us but the weight of sainthood became too much. There were multiple times where she would throw my medical cards at me from the end of my bed while yelling at me for not knowing how to love correctly. To her credit, she wasn’t completely wrong.

She said I was being condescending when I constantly apologized for being a burden and then I halted every conversation with the incessant need to thank everyone for just being there. True. It took me being forced into a role-play game before I really understood that.

I like helping people out. I like seeing people relieved and happy when I can unexpectedly provide a solution. I like feeling that I can have at least a slight impact on other people that isn’t horrible.

What I don’t like is people making it weird by being awkward, thanking and apologizing to me every few seconds. When they insist on thanking me it hurts my feelings because it seems like they’re surprised I would do something nice. When people won’t stop thanking me it’s alienating. When someone puts you on a pedestal is not only objectifying but lonely because you’re no longer equal.

What I still don’t understand is what the hell I’m supposed to do.

When I go somewhere I have to get their permission to go. When I do something I have to get their permission to do it. When I eat I have to have proven that I’m worth the waste and produce.

How can I not thank them?

How can I take the risk of not thanking them?

It used to infuriate me and people told me I had no idea what the “real world” was like when the only world they know is Pollyanna’s but now I can’t help but agree. In the real world you don’t have to pretend not to know your friends in public.  In the real world you go to the police for help instead of avoiding them. In the real world you don’t apologize to other people when they hit you. In the real world strangers don’t tell you that your God’s punishment on humanity. In the real world you check the mailbox for bills, paperwork to fill out for permission to live for another month.

In the real world a real person wouldn’t have their healthcare taken away for having an extra $100 in the bank, a real person would be allowed to have more than $2,000. Especially if everything was as expensive in the real world as it is here.

Even after a year finally coming to terms with never getting the promotion to human I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

Although I have to fight for it every day I’m still living in my home, unlike my ancestors. Even if I’m not allowed to own it.

Also unlike my ancestors I’m trapped inside my bedroom but I have the technology to talk to people all over the world. Not people from the real world but people like myself who are going through the same things that I am. I never know how long I have them but thanks to the sheer number of us I’m never alone. More and more of them grow exhausted and are forced to commit suicide but it’s a less lonely than it would’ve been even just over a decade ago.

We have the ability to communicate and create things as long as it’s not in exchange for currency and because of that and realizing that there are people in the real world who do care about what’s going on in the outskirts of The Real World™; AB and NT people my age, millennial’s who have helped me survive with much more dignity than any other American generation has before them.

I’ve proofread homework in exchange for dinner. I’ve written essays on Deadpool in exchange for toilet paper. I’ve reviewed movies for hair dye.

I have no hope for society itself but I have hope for humanity now that I know that there are people unlike my family but things haven’t changed enough for me to even have a conclusion to this post. Still, I have the ability to make this post and as pathetic as it is I’m thankful for that.

Disabling narcissism

The disabled identity is considered to be defined through suffering due to physical pain and extreme prejudice. Those who identify as disabled are considered to be narcissists because the act of embracing that identity is interpreted to be an embracement of suffering in an attempt to gain emotional and financial sympathy.

Both disabled studies and disabled identities have been criticized as nothing but an exercise in narcissism.

Sigmund Freud set the groundwork in his infamously sexual obsessed way in On Narcissism: An Introduction. In it he explains, “It is universally known, and we take it as a matter of course, that a person who is tormented by organic pain and discomfort gives up his interest in the things of the external world, in so far as they do not concern his suffering. Closer observation teaches us that he also withdraws libidinal interest from his love-objects: so long as he suffers, he ceases to love.”

The idea that associating oneself or one’s studies with disability centers around self-centered suffering is continued to be perpetuated


Queer writer Norah Vincent said disabled studies are a form of “self-righteous goodspeak” and “the newest branch of social theory and its ignominious bedfellow, identity politics”


Feminist academic and social critic Camille Paglia describes it as, “the ultimate self-sanctifying boondoggle for victim-obsessed academic-careerists”


Conservative commentator Walter Olson who believes the ADA has “paralyzed” the US working industry concurs by saying,“You can’t win. Call attention to disability and you’re oppressing them, ignore the disability and you’re making them invisible”

This Nazi mindset is also applied in the training of care and medical providers. A popular and standard exercise is to have students spend a day or more in a wheelchair so they will know what their clients feel like both physically and emotionally.

Despite what inaccurate representation conveys, disabled people do not have the privilege to luxuriate in self-pity. Let me explain it through condition popularly featured in feminist and gender studies, menstruation.


Those who menstruate each month endure physical pain, limited abilities, and discrimination; and like disability the condition and its severity is unique to each person. Those who have never menstruated can simulate the experience by inducing cramping or wearing panty liners but the fatigue and neurological symptoms cannot be replicated, nor can the social stigma.

Menstruation sounds (and literally can be) intolerable but 50% of the population lives with it and the subsequent hormonal conditions between cycles each month. It is just as reasonable for those who menstruate to not be allowed to live as it is for disabled people to not be allowed to live.

Those recently disabled do indeed tend to form an identity through suffering much like a child finding their underwear bloody does, but it’s not realistic long term. Despite shedding of the uterine lining or, even difficulty in walking, people with these conditions have to work, socialize, worship, and a number of other things that define their social identity.

Self-pity is not realistic on the outskirts of society where disabled people live. It’s a popular pastime among NTABs. These people often participate in the Suffering Olympics and as if envying a fish’s ability to swim they are jealous and therefore resentful of disabled people’s automatic gold medal in the suffering.

Disability is a social construct as it is defined through the perception of nondisabled people considering what is adventitious for society overall, that is the difference between disability and menstruation.

It’s like you can call anything ableist now

Disabled person: that’s ableist

NTAB: OMG you say everything is ableist

That’s because it is. That’s the point of disabling people. From very basic slang to gas chambers, a society creates everything intending to remove that which they don’t want; when this refers to a person it’s called disability.

That’s what the word means.

You idiot.

Sure, it’s annoying to have people call you out on your ableist behavior, like calling someone an idiot, but that’s because it’s a Captain Obvious Callout. At times it can be impossible not to be “politically correct” but. Who. The. Fuck. Cares.

People moan and roll their eyes but don’t freak out over dudebros snickering every time someone says hard or wet. It’s a lot easier to complain about someone saying something pointless when it’s not about disability because, by definition, you have the privilege to be able to do so. It’s socially acceptable. Not just socially acceptable, socially expected. Socially mandated.

We know why the word “wet” is funny. You don’t have to point it out and you don’t have to explain it. Everyone is on the same page.

We know why the word idiot is ableist. It’s intentionally ableist.. It can’t not be. Everyone is on the same page.

Except for the disabled people because they’ve been cut out of the book completely.

It annoys the shit out of me when people stop a conversation to point out how problematic saying “stand up” is just like I’m annoyed when anyone feels the need to do it when someone says “man up.” But for some people, they aren’t pointing out the obvious. Sometimes the person they are speaking to or the people listening are ignorant, even if they are ignorant of their ignorance.

If you’re in a physical or virtual queer space it’s really not necessary to explain sex and genderism. If you are in a physical or virtual disabled space it’s not necessary to explain ableism.

But get this: if you aren’t disabled and you hear/see someone define this the chances are that you’re not in a disabled space. If you are in one then you’re invading it.

And yes, there are a lot of disabled people out there singing to the choir and annoying each other but I can’t imagine you’ve been disabled very long if you can’t sympathize.

How excited would you be if you were just old enough to use the Internet and join a disabled community for the first time because are no physical ones exist? How excited would you be to have the ability to callout microaggressions? Think of the people that aren’t on the Internet all day. People IRL even if that means their bedroom? Trying to stay in the closet despite the stress of having strangers tell them they would pray for their souls and then be required to thank those ecclesiastic assholes.

You’re upset. They’re upset. Everyone’s upset.

At least their frustration is valid™

The queer issues of intersections between gender and disability

The other day netizens got really angry when I said that despite how I see my gender I don’t consider myself trans. I’ve always admitted that I’m probably wrong since I’m not cis and any alternative ironically falls of under the trans-umbrella *cough**cough*

As a kid, though, I knew exactly what my gender was. It was the same as my sexuality: disabled.

Despite reproductive organs there are very distinct methods used to condition NTAB children versus disabled children. There is, of course, a third option of conditioning disabled children as NTAB or NTAB as disabled. Think one of those Lifetime movies about Munchausen by proxy.

My disability specifically dictated what I was expected to feel toward others and how they should feel toward me. It predicted my sexual history at the moment of birth.

I could give you endless examples but honestly, if you can’t make an educated guess then you need to go back to disability 101 before you have the ability to come to this conversation.

As a kid I also came out to people all the time but my identity wasn’t seen as a valid™. Adults would make comments about how I was a tomboy but I would correct them saying I was disabled. These condescending motherfuckers usually laughed at first and then became extremely sad.

“You shouldn’t call yourself disabled.”

Full stop.

I started to refer to myself as “nothing” which simply got laughed at so I continued using it. People don’t think it’s so funny now that they’re woke. Coincidentally they tend to be prideful™ queers who think parades and events shouldn’t have the undue pressure to fit the money to become accessible.

They also tend to be the NTABs that say transables are not valid™ because of transphobia and the offense toward the disabled community. They can’t explain the offense toward the disabled community but if you then go ask a disabled person they’ll explained that it’s an issue of government aid and who qualifies for it. Same issue as every other trans group.

But no, Heather, go ahead and use the handicap stall. I may be cripple but you’ve been waiting longer.

You take the lead on what should be ableism or not, you’ve been valid longer.

Killing Nazis is suicide

Kill Nazis and all that, yeah, but put practically that doesn’t work because an ideology doesn’t exist inside of a person. It’s an infectious illness transmitted even from the dead.

I wish I believed that righteous condemnation could cure it, but righteous condemnation creates it.

Being offended is easy. Vilifying others is easy. Killing people is easy.

It’s not easy to have such an open mind that you are willing to be convinced that you and everyone like you shouldn’t exist in the world. It’s not easy to convince yourself otherwise once you’ve been conditioned to accept it.

Fascism, eugenics, all the things people claim to hate the most about Nazis are things they fight to defend for themselves every day.

Especially by those who claim to not understand that if someone doesn’t want a disabled child they shouldn’t have a child at all. Those who want cures for the existence of our entire population. Those that live day by day in a world where people are being exterminated all around them and not finding fault in their own houses.

It’s funny, laughably funny, that people are shocked and outraged to see another rise in Nazis when they paved the way themselves. That they can look directly into the eyes of their peers and can’t see the similarities.

I don’t trust NTABs just as I don’t trust Nazis. I will break bread with them and even sit at their feet to hear them speak. Just like I would for all Nazis. It’s pointless not to. It’s hypocritical and it’s ignorant. And I have no choice because there is genuinely no distinction between any of you at the core of your morality.

I can see their point of view, though. I can see why a utopia wouldn’t include me. I inherently believed it when I was a child and as an adult I can sympathize and at times believe it more than they do.

If you’re not willing to sacrifice the self soothing justification that you have a right to live just as you are, you’ll never be able to eliminate Nazis. The infection is already inside you. The calls are coming from inside the house.

Once NTABs advocating social justice and civil rights are willing to consider that the world would be better off without them, to see how the world suffers because their bodies and minds are average, only then will I agree to trust them.

Simply put, if they claim to hate Nazis but choose not to speak about disability as frequently and fervently as they do any other marginalized group then they should die together. Support their own supposed cause.

tl;dr if you aren’t ashamed that you’re not disabled you’re a fucking Nazi. You still want the ability to participate in society so you are fighting on the same side. You aren’t disabled from society. You aren’t disabled from the responsibility of Nazi crimes.

Handicap bathrooms are not trans bathrooms

Due to the high statistics of assault in bathrooms trans ABs use handicap stalls for more privacy and safety. They need to fuck off.

These are segregated bathrooms for disabled people; that means there isn’t another option for us. You have the privilege of using public stalls, appropriating our bathrooms, or going home. Start going home. We do.

Are handicap bathrooms ever okay to use if you are trans? Of course. Trans disabled people should have priority. Next comes cis disabled people. This is the end of the list.

Physical and sexual assault are very real issues for both abled and disabled people; as trans issues have begun entering the forefront of the LGBT™ narrative bathrooms have become a key issue. The best result for everyone would be nondiscriminatory bathrooms; gender-neutral and fully accessible. Bathrooms that already meet these standards are not a part of this conversation.

If you are only fighting for gender-neutral bathrooms you aren’t an ally to the disabled, you’re another oppressor.

As someone non-binary (thus trans) and also physically disabled to the point where accessible bathrooms are imperative, I’m telling you that even if a cis disabled person tells you to get the fuck out of the bathroom and you should get the fuck out of the bathroom.

Assaults including rape are statistically omnipresent threats to trans people of all abilities. Oh well. Assaults including rape are statistically real threats to the disabled at such high levels that we are the only marginalized group in which all genders (including cis men) are nearly identical; the only group in which male presenting people are at less risk are those in the blind or otherwise visually impaired community.

Queer cripples still fight to be heard every year for Pride parades to become accessible. Actual support or acknowledgment of the disabled members in the queer community is nonexistent, the most we can help to fight for is inclusion in public parades and we have been fighting for this for years.

There is no sympathy to be had for ABs of any marginalized group that doesn’t prioritize their disabled members.

If you are at all frustrated or angry when disabled people tell you that you are not allowed to use segregated bathrooms then take that anger and fight for our rights to end segregation in the first place.

One of the most insidious things about segregation is that those of privilege (you) are not only allowed to use segregated bathrooms, segregated seating, and segregated water fountains, you are permitted to literally move to the front of the line.

There will be little resistance from disabled people when you do these things because you people assault us.

You beat us.

You rape us.

You murder us.

Being trans does not absolve you of able-bodied privilege.

You feel entitled to the point where you don’t care if you are publicly humiliating another human being or causing them physical harm.

Do you ever have to piss or shit your pants in public because there are no bathrooms available? If so, good. You can relate. This is something disabled people have to do far more often that anyone seems to be able to comprehend.

A common excuse is that these bathrooms are only used when there are no disabled people around.

That is complete bull shit.

Not only is this not true when it comes to people who are visibly physically disabled it is especially not true when it comes to people with invisible disabilities. A person who appears healthy and can walk and that does not mean that they have the ability to use a non-accessible stall like you. If you see someone with a cane or crutches it doesn’t mean they can use public bathrooms simply because those things can fit in a stall whereas a wheelchair can’t.

Handicap bathrooms are trans issues. They are queer issues. They are feminist issues. They are racial issues. They are issues of every marginalized group because we exist in every marginalized group; and even if we didn’t merely arguing with disabled people about this issue is not acceptable.

If you want handicap bathrooms/stalls to be available for trans ABs then you need to fight for your right to be declared disabled. Either physically or mentally disabled will do.

The LGBT™ has been using disabled legislation to advance their civil rights for far too long. Especially because the NTAB members are so proud of being dropped from the DSM.

Step up or step out because you literally can.

Every single romance novel with a disabled protagonist

1. Able-bodied man gets disabled doing sports or during military service, he is paralyzed from the waist down. Able-bodied woman loves him because he’s nice unlike like other guys. He is bitter,  she is inspires him. Able-bodied woman knows more about the disabled man’s disability than he does.

2.  An able-bodied woman working in healthcare, usually physical therapy, falls in love with a disabled man who has been paralyzed from the waist down due to sports or military. He is bitter,  she is inspires him.

3. Single able-bodied mom falls in love with a man paralyzed from the waist down because of sports or the military because he is a nice guy who let’s children ride the wheelchair in his lap.

4. Able-bodied woman reconnects with a man, previously knowing him as able-bodied, but she is paralyzed from the waist down due to sports or military.

5. Able-bodied woman falls in love with a man paralyzed from the waist down due to sports or military despite his disability but then he gets better.

Bonus tropes: the disabled hero is left by his fiancée when he becomes disabled and doesn’t want to fall in love again, the able-bodied heroine is recovering from an abusive relationship