Cable’s disabled childhood

As an X-Men character and member of the Summers family Cable has an extensive and convoluted story so I’m only going to cover a small glimpse of his childhood to look at his disability and disability narrative.

Mutants are considered a marginalized race in the Marvel universe and mutation is used as a metaphor for disability; Cable is one of the many mutant characters who are also shown to have real-world disabilities. As a baby he was infected with a “techno-organic virus” by Apocalypse resulting in his iconic appearance. The techno-organic virus is functionally a terminal disease in which cells cannot duplicate or regenerate and even within the superhero world Cable was born into there is no cure. His father, Cyclops, allows him to be taken to the future where there is available treatment in exchange for never seeing his son again.

Cyclops questions whether or not this is the right decision, specifically wondering if Cable would be better off dead. He questions Cable’s quality of life.

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As Cable grows into a teenager he struggles with non-passing privilege and the need to hide his disfigurement and assistive equipment to assimilate and remain safe.

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Aside from suffering culturally and socially Cable deals with tangible disability and chronic pain. He has to manage these things in order to live and his motivation to do so tends to be based on his obligation to others.

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The character Cable deals with disability so directly that his mutation never quite becomes a metaphor. Like all disabled children, his family struggles with what to sacrifice for his medical care, ceding control of his care to those who can offer assistance, making long-term decisions in his stead, and whether or not having a life unlike those they are familiar with means he should have one at all.

As an adolescent, Cable has to live with the decisions his family made for him and struggles with being raised by various people whose only concern is what he is able to do. He is visibly different which puts him in danger in a way that is unfamiliar to most people and hiding his differences takes a physical and emotional toll. Cable has no role models that look like him and has experienced what he has, he has to develop based on a template of humanity that is fundamentally different from his natural state.

What being a disabled millennial like

I guess it’s been exactly a year since I started blogging. I started writing with the intention of gaining some perspective in my life and it totally worked. I’m right and everyone is terrible.

At the start of the year I had my trusty neuromuscular disease which makes it impossible for me to physically care for myself, my mother’s Alzheimer’s had gotten to the point where she could no longer physically or mentally care for herself, auntie had been in my life for a few years helping me try to get her medical help and deal with the endless paperwork x2 that comes with disability. She was the only family member that even pretended to make an effort in my life, but the stress of it was obviously getting to her.

And I was losing my god damn mind so I started this blog.

The major thing I realized is something I already thought I knew; being disabled is like being in a completely different reality that normal people only have some vague sense of, like gravity but really can’t comprehend. What I specifically learned throughout this year, though, is that they willfully remain ignorant because of their narcissism.

That sounds incredibly rude but in some cases I mean it in the nicest way. Some able-bodied people simply never learned that TV isn’t real. When they hear anything about the reality of living a disabled life and how it has nothing to do with your health but everything to do with violent bigotry they try to convince you that any bad situation is an outlier. ABs refuse to acknowledge disability to avoid feeling guilty; those people legitimately don’t know how common and easy it is to step over a dying body while complaining about the smell.

There are some people who genuinely don’t know better and so they are eager to help, impatient for the praise. It’ll get them praise, but they can’t handle it for long.
For my Mormon uncle it was the very minute that I called him to let him know that his sister was sick that he became overwhelmed and he insisted we both be sent to homes. He had no idea why I was so opposed to the suggestion because it wasn’t as if anyone would want to rape me or anything.

I know I heard that clearly because he was screaming it through the telephone.

Auntie pressured me into putting mom into a home and then to make sure I can make no decisions she told them I was mentally ill and all around general liar so I wasn’t allowed to have contact with my mother. After mom got kicked out after week for unruly behavior I found out from the carefully worded discharge papers that she had been raped in the shower. Whether Auntie knew that are not I don’t know but it was the last time I ever saw her.

Up until then, though, Auntie worked incredibly hard to help us but the weight of sainthood became too much. There were multiple times where she would throw my medical cards at me from the end of my bed while yelling at me for not knowing how to love correctly. To her credit, she wasn’t completely wrong.

She said I was being condescending when I constantly apologized for being a burden and then I halted every conversation with the incessant need to thank everyone for just being there. True. It took me being forced into a role-play game before I really understood that.

I like helping people out. I like seeing people relieved and happy when I can unexpectedly provide a solution. I like feeling that I can have at least a slight impact on other people that isn’t horrible.

What I don’t like is people making it weird by being awkward, thanking and apologizing to me every few seconds. When they insist on thanking me it hurts my feelings because it seems like they’re surprised I would do something nice. When people won’t stop thanking me it’s alienating. When someone puts you on a pedestal is not only objectifying but lonely because you’re no longer equal.

What I still don’t understand is what the hell I’m supposed to do.

When I go somewhere I have to get their permission to go. When I do something I have to get their permission to do it. When I eat I have to have proven that I’m worth the waste and produce.

How can I not thank them?

How can I take the risk of not thanking them?

It used to infuriate me and people told me I had no idea what the “real world” was like when the only world they know is Pollyanna’s but now I can’t help but agree. In the real world you don’t have to pretend not to know your friends in public.  In the real world you go to the police for help instead of avoiding them. In the real world you don’t apologize to other people when they hit you. In the real world strangers don’t tell you that your God’s punishment on humanity. In the real world you check the mailbox for bills, paperwork to fill out for permission to live for another month.

In the real world a real person wouldn’t have their healthcare taken away for having an extra $100 in the bank, a real person would be allowed to have more than $2,000. Especially if everything was as expensive in the real world as it is here.

Even after a year finally coming to terms with never getting the promotion to human I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

Although I have to fight for it every day I’m still living in my home, unlike my ancestors. Even if I’m not allowed to own it.

Also unlike my ancestors I’m trapped inside my bedroom but I have the technology to talk to people all over the world. Not people from the real world but people like myself who are going through the same things that I am. I never know how long I have them but thanks to the sheer number of us I’m never alone. More and more of them grow exhausted and are forced to commit suicide but it’s a less lonely than it would’ve been even just over a decade ago.

We have the ability to communicate and create things as long as it’s not in exchange for currency and because of that and realizing that there are people in the real world who do care about what’s going on in the outskirts of The Real World™; AB and NT people my age, millennial’s who have helped me survive with much more dignity than any other American generation has before them.

I’ve proofread homework in exchange for dinner. I’ve written essays on Deadpool in exchange for toilet paper. I’ve reviewed movies for hair dye.

I have no hope for society itself but I have hope for humanity now that I know that there are people unlike my family but things haven’t changed enough for me to even have a conclusion to this post. Still, I have the ability to make this post and as pathetic as it is I’m thankful for that.

Happy 2nd annual Disability March, here is my protest

I haven’t contributed anything to society.

I was born with a neuromuscular disease which makes my muscles and bones weaken until I prematurely die.

I’ve always been a temporary fixture in my family’s lives, a genetic embarrassment, a social burden. A week before I turned 13, my father, a decorated Vietnam vet, was murdered by a drunk driver who only received community service. My mother developed aggressive early onset dementia as I got out of school and now I am her caretaker and sole provider but the only thing I can provide is a cut of $850 I receive each month from disability.

I was put in special ed although I took all the same classes as my nondisabled peers who consistently received things like detention or passed with Ds and Cs on their report cards. I was an honors student K–12 because I had to be; if I didn’t it would be evidence that because I had to sit in a chair with wheels I was underperforming and would be a bad influence on the normal children. I was never at risk for detention not because of my good behavior, but because my consequences were to lose the privilege of a standardized public education. Not complaining was a lot harder than studying because (and in spite of) my being a special ed student required attendance from me in the segregated facility, away from my classes. The short bus dropping me off at school and back at home hours late each day because of understaffing.

As hard as it was, I managed it, but I couldn’t do the same in college and I had to drop out. $850 a month couldn’t cover transportation, food, assistance, etc. even though a scholarship could provide textbooks.

I’ve written my own books; books on science and spirituality as well as an array of fiction. Books that were well received and still sell consistently, but I’ve never received a cent from them and can’t hold my own copyrights. As my health degenerates I am more and more dependent on the healthcare I received through disability so I’ve had to forfeit the rights and earnings of everything I’ve created because as time goes on I can create less and less but if I get taken off of disability I can’t get back on. On paper it looks fraudulent that someone who is supposedly as terminally ill as I am can somehow go off of disability and support myself for a limited amount of time.

I can’t be a true friend, neighbor, or citizen. I can’t leave my house; I can’t afford the bus fare for the handicap bus. I can’t show my face in public; two years ago which bashed out my front teeth but my health care can’t provide treatment. I can’t connect to people; the worse things become in America the more I am blamed for being nothing more than a leech, a useless eater.

I am the problem.

My life is a burden to the entire country.

Old disabled people are irrelevant

The social model of disability was created in 1975 by UPIAS (Union of the Physically Impaired Against Segregation) but was coined as “the social model” in 1983 Mike Oliver, a disabled academic.

Disabled people didn’t have a civil rights movement until the 80s and much like the feminist movement it was both allies and the most privileged among the disabled who got to speak. At all.

bIt wasn’t until the 70s when all states within the USA finally did away with “Ugly Laws” which were their actual names. It made it illegal for disabled people to go in public. This was due how many able-bodied people who had become disabled by contracting polio and soldiers coming back from war. It was never about minorities.

The ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act, was created in the 90s. Credit for this is a little varied and a little controversial. A large reason why the ADA was created was because of the AIDS epidemic. The queer community couldn’t find help from the government to get funding to find a cure or to treat patients. The only way to get what is essentially disability rights was to reassociate themselves with the disabled community after sexual and gender minorities were taken off the DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.)

Not to suggest that we, the disabled community, renounce the DSM but there is a large dissent growing.  because of what it’s become and how it’s being used.

The key to this was the social model of disability. The government didn’t see GSM (gender and sexual minorities) as disabled people but the case was made that they had become disabled from society because of the disease they contracted which even though patients remained able-bodied was still a terminal disease with no cure in sight. At least at the public know of.

The LGBT™ community now rejects the identity of disabled, although many people in the community never used the word to refer to themselves in the first place. They now celebrate the fact that things like homosexuality are not seen as a disability; that achievement was made through the social model of disability and would not have happened without activism from the disabled.

You might be thinking of intersection at this point. The modern LGBT™ community is largely criticized by DM (disabled millennials) communities because of this and the fact that things like Pride parades want made to be accessible to physically and neurologically disabled people. In the last few years things have gotten better accessibility wise in some states, in certain areas.

There is animosity amongst some DMs toward the LGBT™,  primarily the disabled sexual and gender disabled minorities both for issues like these previously stated and the 2016 Sagamihara genocide in which many disabled people were euthanized inside their segregated neighborhood (something like a group home) by Satoshi Uematsu who had written a manifesto calling for the extermination of disabled people globally. This happened about the same time as the Pulse shooting which was widely reported on and the LGBT™ community in particular refused to ally for their disabled members at that time. Even when the names of all the Pulse victims were released whereas in Japan none of the victims  names were because it would’ve been embarrassing to their families if people found out they were related to someone disabled in the first place.

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The public was forbidden to pay their respects or leave flowers or candles at the site.

Tracking back a little, on through the 80s there were also many disabled protests and activism that didn’t get reported on unless it was a “die in” or the Capitol Crawl. A die in is when disabled protesters sit in public spaces, fasting, and peacefully refusing to leave. These resulted in good for TV moments like public assault by the police.

Much like what happened earlier this year when the radical disability activist group ADAPT (with the slogan “adapt or die”) were violently assaulted and arrested and then detained in inhumane ways and places. The first two were largely covered in independent media but information and proof of the latter came from twitter. Because  the cops didn’t think to take away their cell phones when they were arrested or detained. Although, they pulled people out of wheelchairs so I’m sure many people’s cell phones got busted so someone must have had an old Nokia on them.

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Yes, those are zip ties the police arrested them with.

The Capitol Crawl was done by early members of ADAPT and it was a major event which is given a lot more credit than it actually intentionally achieved. The Capitol Crawl was a protest in which disabled people got out of their wheelchairs and left assistive equipment behind like crutches or walkers and slowly climbed up the White House steps while staff walked past. A now iconic photo was taken of Jennifer Keelan who, at the time, was a young disabled girl who was very white and cute and insisted on making it to the top to complete the protest so the public actually paid attention.

Disability Rights Protest

After that it was a lot of boring political legislation and drama between marginalized activist groups.

The ADA was created in 1990 which was based on the social model of disability. The medical model (which excludes people like AIDS patients) is still heavily embedded in many laws which is why things like segregation haven’t been made illegal. Forced sterilization was delegalized across the United States in as recent as 2010 under laws created for the disabled but had been extended to POC (remind you of anything?) The last victim was in California; reparations are being legislated for victims in North Carolina and Virginia.

In the past, disabled people were usually killed at birth, given a mercy killing if they  were NTAB and became disabled, or simply didn’t live long partly because of the lack of medical advancements but in greater part because they were marginalized and disabled from society.

Millennials are the first generation of disabled people that were allowed to reach adulthood because of things like the ADA. We are also the first generation in the world to have the Internet our entire lives and due to things like segregation and lack of accessibility we built our communities online through social media. Just like other millennial groups. We are the children they fought for and we owe them our lives and our health.

Obviously many of them are still alive as this is relatively recent history and they are like the parents of the disabled community.

shutterstock_202195894-600x600They are completely out of touch and have animosity for DM (disabled millennials) because many of us have different philosophies. One is we don’t want to write letters to Congress to beg for rights, we want to destroy society like other millennial’s in marginalized groups. Essentially we want to make a better world and not put Band-Aids on bigotry.

With the rise of Nazi activity and the fact that it’s actually being covered in the news is especially a big issue for disabled people as the Nazi party used propaganda like mercy killings and disabled being “useless leaders” to carry out our genocide and use the legal precedent to go as far as they did. The infamous gas chambers themselves were first created for the disabled population. For further information the victims were referred to as T4 patients which refers to the preferred drug for execution, Aktion T4.

The number four refers to a street address Tiergartenstraße 4 in Berlin where beginning in 1940 the “Chancellery department” where people received paid training. The most accomplished that went on to run the gas chambers were sent to run them in concentration camps. There were 70,273 T4 victims between September 1939 to August 1941. It was then banned due to what is referred to as the most influential protest since the rule of the Third Reich; NTABs had legitimate concerns of how many and how quickly people were deemed disabled enough to be a T4 patient. Of course, it still continued on. Primarily by Catholic authorities in Germany.

To be fair to Germany, the United States was far more extreme in eugenic philosophies (just the word didn’t have the gravity it does post World War II so there is a misconception that America were the good guys but not to eugenic policies were based off of America’s political philosophies and laws.

Our two groups usually don’t interact very much, even online, but if you follow disabled bloggers or people on twitter you will see them complaining about how people particularly treat “young disabled people” or DMs.

Those disabled people who consider themselves liberal or conservative and especially people who subscribe to the medical model of disability are a sub–community but they are used to being the entire community. They are a sub–community of which is largely irrelevant here because their philosophies are irrelevant.

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This subculture of disability has no term to refer to it specifically, one has yet to be coined, on this issue I welcome old disabled people offer up a term they would like us to use to refer to them. There hasn’t really been a need for a term thus far because, as I said they are irrelevant, and we only talk about relevant things so there hasn’t yet been a need for one.

But I sincerely welcome them to coin their own term but I caution them from doing it on social media as words that are “created” on social networks like Tumblr are regarded as… I don’t know house to put this  other that they are irrelevant. Those terms are given little credibility because they don’t have a long history which can be sourced before the invention of social media unlike the term “social model” of disability despite how similar they sound.

I love my disability

My public persona IRL is incredibly friendly and funny and “eccentric” and I know I obviously developed these characteristics to a cartoonish level because of my disability. You have to survive off of the benevolence of others. But one of the things I do that people refer to as “eccentric” or me just being me, like boys are boys, when I want to leave a conversation I do it blunts to the point of offensive but so jovial that people always think it’s endearing.

I curb my language depending on who is around me or where I am but if I’m with someone I consider my friend I will just suddenly say, “okay, you’ve been here enough, get the fuck out.” It’s a passive-aggressive spoon theory. Or friendly–aggressive? My disabled game is off the charts so I easily hide the fact that I always feel ill, in pain, and I will push myself to limit. Most of us do this among some people but I’m still self-centered enough that I’m not going to “borrow” any spoons for anyone.

Of course that hurts all of my relationships but besides that I wonder, if I didn’t closet the fact that I have a chronic illness would I be even remotely like myself? This is then obvious observation but it’s one of those things I’m realizing our a basic skill we are seemingly born with like their ability to swim. They can throw their babies in water right after they’re born and they can swim.  Their babies will almost immediately lose the ability to swim, they don’t need to survive in the water so they don’t bother remembering how to swim, it’s logical. That’s why they don’t utilize the all of the resources they can find in nature.

We can and do use just un–fresh water to use more ideal environments for ourselves. To be their equivalent of or demolishing everything and building from scratch, I don’t mean this in a long term evolutionary scope, right now they still keep building society in ways they themselves are constantly complain about. Their thing is building big shit, I get it, but it seems so counterintuitive.

But maybe I’m being naïve myself. Maybe there is a big detriment to our fixation with continuously churning out content like art and writing and music and innovation… And astronomy, astrology, you know, anything that’s ever had any cultural value.

Maybe Freda Carlo was their Hitler.

But back to myself,

Obviously my being closeted most of the time would help the eccentric thing but I wonder how less “funny” I would be if I were one of them?

I’ve been disabled my whole life so it’s not like this isn’t actually a part of my personality, it’s just a nicer version I use in public like everyone else does but it really seems like it would change the fundamentals of how people perceive me just as a person.

As much as I roll my eyes over the word eccentric and my reputation of “oh my God, she’s so funny, she’ll say anything” makes me swallow my eyeballs I like who I am.

I hate that AB (able-bodied, and I totally don’t mean that as a slur) have such a hard time getting out of a simple conversation. There have been thousands of times that I’ve been with and ABs so awkward with someone they are talking to that it wastes time and both people are dying to get out of the conversation.

My disability is why I don’t have that handicap.

Applicably, I take any complement badly because to me it feels like I’ve made commitments to be certain ways with certain people at certain places. I don’t have time for that. I don’t have time for this either but, fuck it.

It sounds cold or embarrassing even though everyone who is the “funny guy” feels like this but I have so many social tools to manage these things that people have “crippling” anxiety over. ABs will agonize about this happening just one time in their life… For the rest of their lives.

I have no idea what that’s like.

I can intellectualize it but I really can’t empathize. Caring so deeply about someone’s opinion of how you ended one interaction, especially when you never see that person ever again, are things that ABs deal with so often that it’s a cliché on sitcoms. It’s something they use as their representation.

It’s something they even put in their intentionally bad representation of those in their society that they’ve marginalized.

You never see a cripple on TV being embarrassed about calling someone by the wrong name, no matter what race or gender or sexuality.

In the real world there isn’t this petty bullshit. Not on that insignificant level.

We stress over conversations about whether we get to live or die.

ABs have no concept of how common violence is for disabled people because harming someone weaker than you is something that is not done. But that’s the thing, it doesn’t happen, not in that society. It happens in the real world.

There are people who leave the house worried about whether they have their wallet or not, they don’t make conscious decisions of whether the reason they’re going out is worth risking their lives over. It explains why ABs don’t believe that authority figures in their society treat us well. Their job is to treat the weak members of society well and a nice courtesy would be to extend it to others.

There are mutations and illnesses common to ABs so that’s why they find it so shocking that when we go to their doctors they use Wikipedia, our version of the DSM I guess.

It’s also why they don’t consider things being segregation when it comes to anything other than specifically race or gender.

To them we all look alike so they can’t tell the difference between someone with a physical disability or neurological divergence or even be aware that they usually intersect even though that’s common sense – wait, I guess it’s not common sense to them, I take that back. Either way they can’t tell any of us apart. They don’t even recognize their own that they threw out.

And just like every great Society they get rid of the elderly only they do it by but they do it by just perceiving that the old ones don’t exist anymore to kick them out. That’s some real world quantum physics.

That must be hard, knowing that either because of time or something random at any point in their life you will become worthless eater.

They are either in denial or very naïve to be able to go about their lives worrying about things like what their voice sounds like.

This offends some people but honestly, that’s why they are going to die out first. Their infants can swim but it’s the first thing conditioned out. Does it seem as bizarre to anyone else that they brag about evolving past the need for water environments? That’s somehow better than the animals that evolved to be able to live in both? As juvenile as it sounds it actually is homosapiens vs homosuperior and Magneto was right.

David is disabled

David was discovered trapped in a concrete box and once he escaped he was transported forward in time where Bishop resided. It was a dystopian future and David was immediately captured and put into slavery.

Before we begin let me preemptively respond to your complaint: I talk about neurological divergence because, guess what? Some cripples are mentally ill, Becky.

FX aired a new show called Legion this year based off of the character Legion from X-Men. The show exists in the XMCU which means he lives on Earth-10005 or Earth-TRN414 (it involves time travel and everyone has their own opinion) so it’s the “real world” except mutants exist and therefore so do the X-Men. The MCU with the Avengers and such have absolutely no relation outside Easter egg jokes.

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I’m going to give you a summary of Legion’s canonical history that the show Legion was based off of. Legion from FX diverts from the source canon but constantly makes callbacks to it which takes it from and incomprehensible show to just pretty confusing.

I don’t feel like I’m selling this as I intended… The show is the most amazing thing ever made and despite my affinity for comic David I actually like it more than the comics. That’s a big deal. If I had said that in certain circles I would be killed on sight.

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Legion is a Jewish kid named David Haller and the the son of the most iconic disabled superhero, Charles Xavier. David Haller was never more than part of a secondary cast until a few years ago when Simon Spurrier took over X-Men Legacy and made David the star.

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Legion’s real name is David Charles Haller, a Jewish man from Haifa Israel who canonically can’t grow his hair into anything but a gigantic mohawk, and he is an omega level mutant which means he has practically God–like powers.

His father is Charles Xavier, Proffessor X himself, but his mother, Gabrielle Haller, kept that a secret for a very long time. Gabrielle met Charles at a hospital where he was using his psychic abilities to alleviate trauma of the Holocaust survivors. They had a short fling in which David was conceived but Gabrielle, suspicious of his psychic abilities, kept David a secret and David’s godfather, Daniel Shomron, stepped in to help raise him.

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When Gabrielle entered the Israeli Diplomatic Service she and her family were attacked by a Palestinian terrorist cell. Gabrielle and David survived, but Daniel used his body to shield David from the bullets and was killed. The trauma activated David’s mutant genes early (he was 10 years old and they don’t usually manifest until puberty) and as his psychic abilities turned on he killed all of the terrorists. David went comatose and absorbed the psyche of one of the terrorists who took control of his body, still comatose, and fought the growing alter egos forming in David’s Mindscape due to his DID

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Gabrielle turned to the renowned geneticist Moira MacTaggert, coincidentally another one of Charles Xavier’s ex girlfriends, who insisted Charles come to treat him personally. Charles found that David had very similar mutant abilities to his own, only much stronger, then found out he was his father.

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By joining the war in David’s Mindscape Charles was able to wake David back up and most of the alter egos were destroyed but they continued to develop unchecked.

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Legion/David gained and lost control of himself many times, hurting many people even murdering Destiny, Mystique’s wife, when she tried to intervene with him and he saw through her precognitive abilities how devastating his future would become.

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David decided he would realize his father’s dream of mutants and humans coexisting and to do that he traveled back in time to his own conception to kill Magneto who Charles was also with at the time.

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Time travel shenanigans ensue and Bishop ends it by showing David what future he is actually creating. David was ashamed and in the reconstructed timeline he was thought to be dead, his mother even questioned his conception.

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Years later David was discovered trapped in a concrete box and once he escaped he was transported forward in time where Bishop resided. It was a dystopian future and David was immediately captured and put into slavery. He got out of it somehow, these sort of things happen quite a bit to him. The X-Men finally took him in and Karma and Magik began working with him to get better but he still had major reality twisting hiccups while he was trying to be good but his ever increasing alter egos keep taking over. Meanwhile his relationship with his father continued to be estranged; Charles seemed to think he was too dangerous unless he wanted to utilize his powers or alternate personalities. Magick  is the only one that seems to consistently try to help him but sometimes with ulterior motives

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Now for the really good part. X-Men Legacy: Legion written by Simon Spurrier.

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Up until this point Legion was very inconsistently written because he had been a very minor character but in Spurrier’s Legion series the loose ends of the story are tightened and we actually see David as David. Before he only momentarily surfaced to find that he had caused a disaster and everyone was debating on whether or not he should be put down.

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Charles had sent David to a secluded place for rehabilitation and never came back, as is his pattern with David. After the event of Avengers vs X-Men where Charles dies David finally had to face the fact that his father was never going to come for him, he was never going to publicly acknowledge him, and he never planned to let David return to the real world.

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When he felt his father pass away David’s power surged and he wiped out the community he was living in, before his Guru died he told David to wait for the X-Men to come to relocate him again but David left, deciding he finally needed to change the pattern of his life, get a grip on himself, and find a way to see his father’s dream of coexistence come true. He does this by making himself somewhat of an invisible mercenary, trying to save mutants the X-Men hadn’t gotten.

David turns his Mindscape into a prison to keep all of the alter egos contained which worked relatively well, all things considered

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Blindfold, a mutant nearly as powerful and ostracized as he is, seems to have an instinctual connection to him.

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imageBlindfold is Ruth Aldine, and she takes after her legendary grandmother Destiny. The Destiny that David accidentally murdered years before. Ruth has a very traumatic history; she was powerful she was born with her mutant abilities already developing and she was born blind, specifically she was born with no eyes at all. When Ruth’s father left her brother Luca blamed her because she was a mutant and tried to kill her but accidentally killed their mother instead. Luca joins a radical anti-mutant group and ends up fracturing her mind which gives her schizophrenia and a very prominent speech impediment

She takes refuge in the X-Men mansion/school but the way she speaks, looks, and is unable to restrain herself from reading everyone’s minds makes her a social outcast

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The X-Men eventually track David down with the help of Ruth’s powers

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And David isn’t having it

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The X-Men try to keep Ruth from him but through their mysterious connection Ruth easily enters David’s Mindscape where she is partially able to speak normally, depending on her mood

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She is able to get through to him until one of his altars breaks out and attacks her, knocking her out.

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David lets the X-Men take the mutant children he had found and secretly follows them back to watch over Ruth who is now comatose. He enters her subconscious and sees her whole life, specifically her bullies

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He brings her back to consciousness and they meet briefly as he escapes

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She keeps track of him by following him in her astral body, not understanding quite how powerful he is and that he always knows where she is

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He tracks down the radical group her brother had joined and sets out to destroy them and her brother. She “reveals” herself to him telling him to knock it the fuck off.

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She makes him promise not to hurt them so he sort of complies by messing with their minds so they will no longer be a threat. David continues on his mission to save mutants and impress Ruth and she continues to be his conscious while they secretly meet on the astral plane

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As this is all going on David is trying to deal with what looks like his father’s consciousness personified in his Mindscape jail. The entity does claim to be Charles Xavier and it continually terrorizes all of the alter egos and mocks David, among other things…

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The golden pervert, David and Ruth’s inherent connection, and because it’s X-Men everything is leading to a future dystopia where David loses control again but this time destroys everything. Ruth will have to kill him because she’s the only one strong enough and deeply embedded in him to destroy all of the alternate personalities along with David

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but David insists that he can change fate. He’s powerful enough and with Ruth as his one that gives him “purpose” he’s pretty sure he can pull it off

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But he’s going to do it by changing the will of people that will influence the dystopian future. Ruth argues that it’s immoral, especially to punish people for things they haven’t done yet. It was against Charles Xavier’s dream to force people into anything (although he often did it, unbeknownst to them) but David isn’t empathetic, in fact he already took out Aarkus before asking her permission. Ruth was mad but soon thereafter she sought him out again by using Cerebra

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But he had already made a deal with the golden pervert in his brain that in exchange for checking on the future again the pervert could have controlled his body for one minute. (Each of David’s altars personify one of his thousands of powers.) David sees the apocalyptic future he creates and runs off to an ideological facility that “cure” mutants by giving them medication that will give them brain damage, blocking their ability to use their powers. Ruth goes to her peers and the X-Men asking for help to get David out of this but it takes a lot of convincing

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David he realizes that although the patients seem to be well their minds are shattered but another apparition of his father appears, reminding him of his failures and making him feel guilty for denying his heritage but David blocks amount and decides to go through with the cure anyway

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The operator of the facility reveals himself to be the Red Skull and the one that caused him to see his father because he had implanted Charles Xavier’s brain into himself, hoping the shame of giving up would make David want to fight but David still doesn’t want to

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He is given the medication and they air his conversion live on TV

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Ruth appears with X-Men she had convinced to come help her save him which is what the Red Skull had apparently been aiming for and the X-Men are live on TV appearing suddenly in what appears to be a peaceful facility to stop a man who admits to being a monster from “rehabilitation” but David had planned on him planning this and uses that moment to bring in a young mutant he had saved earlier. The boy’s ability was that everyone immediately believes anything he says, practically giving him the ability to change reality. Through live TV he convinced everyone watching that the mutants weren’t their enemy. He tries to evoke empathy but that doesn’t work as well

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Of course a battle with Red Skull ensues which is when the golden pervert who looks like Charles Xavier comes to take his one minute with complete control of David’s body. He wants Xavier’s brain for himself.

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Ruth fights to get the minute to run out so David can take control of his body again and then we have this really funny moment

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Read X-Men Legacy: Legion Vol. 1: Prodigal

Diary: IHSS should just drop the I and H

When I first got that call from Nice Guy everyone was so excited but I kept telling them not to get their hopes up and lookie lookie here, I was right. It wasn’t just pessimism. But pessimism had a lot to do with it. 

In our last episode I said I was done. Well, I’m even more doner now.

suicide-gif_zpsgmt7pcggAfter all this time it seems that auntie and I finally have something in common; we’re both done. But our “done”s are pretty different.

Remember Auntie said she was going to take mom to lunch? Of course you don’t. No one is reading this shit. Well guess what, when I asked her what time she went on radio silence.

Then I tried to explain the spoon thing again despite the fact I know it throws her into a rage. She literally disowned me the first and only time I gave it a subtle shot.

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Did that sound condescending?

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I really tried my hardest. This is the first text I sent her without running it by anyone to proofread for anything that could be construed as insulting. I just went with how I write formal emails. Unless she wants me to speak in AAVE I have no other options.tumblr_n66se03AA91rc7zl1o1_400_zpsuoig0sqk

And it would just be my luck that she would trick me into something racist like that.

She recently texted me asking for the infamous door alarm.

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That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say because then no one heard from her and like three days later her daughter, whose name I censored first, showed up one afternoon for it but said she couldn’t stay because her kids were in the car. It really made mom depressed because she was so excited to see her. It’s heart wrenching.

So, I guess when auntie said that she was done what she meant was done sticking the knife in but not twisting it.

tumblr_oun3tfW3y81rohg16o5_400_zpsasyoupfcI’m fucking done.

Like I said, I don’t think about my auntie unless someone brings her up but that void was quickly filled with IHSS.

And now I’m done with them.

I still have not heard from my caseworker/social worker. Let’s call her Amy Hoe. The one time she talked to me all she did was whine about how hard she used to work before she “got burned too many times.”tumblr_oqwrniL4sk1u940dvo9_500_zpsiijrkdzq

She did call once but I was here alone with mom and couldn’t get the phone. I then left multiple messages, all sugary and sweet like last time, apologizing for missing the call and I left my phone number, my address, and my email address. Each week. I left messages in every department, trying to find someone who will least call me back about how to get more hours my caretakers. No one called.

It’s been a month.

giphy11 days ago someone from payroll accidentally picked up and told me to call Amy Hoe. I know better than to talk shit so I told her that Amy Hoe said she would be “out on the field” for three months. She insisted and I hesitantly, and awkwardly, said, “um she said she was going to be busy and I haven’t gotten her to call me back so I was wondering who I can speak to instead in the time being?” No dice. “I really do think she was serious about being out of contact. She seemed pretty stressed. I know it’s hard; social work is horrible. She just said she was little burnt out by going out of her way for people.”

Dice on fire.

tumblr_inline_o5n7o8TrGT1t0ihy9_500_zpspfgwuqqyHow is that insulting? I was obviously choosing my words carefully (badly) but the chick isn’t responsible for going out of her way so long as she acknowledges that it was her choice. Bad things always happen to good people.

I’m not dumb, I know this sounded insulting but she was trying to hang up and this is the first I had spoken to anyone in a month and all that happened then was a promise to call me back.

tumblr_os57kgeMbh1rrkahjo4_540_zpsvogskbskApparently they are BFF because she immediately shouted, “she would never say something like that!”

I said, “well she did.” She tried to bite her tongue and said “that doesn’t sound like something she’d say.” And immediately transferred me to someone’s voicemail.

Idea for a movie: IHSS is actually a secret government agency that gas lights the most impoverished citizens as a way for the Illuminati to make turn America into inspirational porn to broadcast to the aliens.

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I hired that caretaker I was going to interview. Let’s call her Princess. She’s in her mid-20s and she acts like it. Savage rightfully pointed out that she was both unaware and reckless with her white privilege by saying, “she’s white.” tumblr_nxz6fnnsYq1r83d7lo10_540_zpsag45xhh5

She really is a nice girl but she actually told me she misses high school.

What do you say to that?

All I could come up with at the time was, “ew.”

So what did that payroll lady do? She connected me to some guy’s office whom, she made sure to point out, wasn’t there so I would have to leave a message. It turned out to be a supervisor who called me back pretty quickly and was very apologetic. He seemed nice but I’m smart enough not to trust anyone. Ever. About anything. Ever again. He helpfully told me things that I should ask Amy Hoe about when she does a home visit, which would be soon or he would do it himself or… Oh, Amy Hoe never came out and never spoke to me other than that one phone call in and entire year? Then he looked at my file to see who had come out and it was that guy.

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That guy, that superduper supervisor everyone at IHSS stands on their desks and recites O Captain! my Captain! to was the one that came out. The one that told me that IHSS would give me back pay and lost me thousands of dollars which, of course, is on one of my maxed out credit cards. He laughingly suggested that that guy should be the one to come out again.

I emphatically asked him not to reprimand Amy Hoe, twice. I’m not trying to start any trouble. I’ll do whatever. I’d suck a dick for some basic human rights.

Yesterday the was Friday before Labor Day weekend and I was over with the world. This is always a hard three day weekend for me and not just because of the labor irony, this is the weekend they used to play the MDA marathon but thank God this year Jerry Lewis is dead.

tumblr_ng32ibpEP71t7lixko1_500_zpsoxiogzipI meant to be facetious, the only time I ever knew it was Labor Day weekend was if someone told me directly but this year it was different. Maybe because everyone left so this was the first weekend in a long time that it was just me and my broken wheelchair.

Did I mention my wheelchair is broken? It’s been broken since before I even started this blog and I’m still fighting with insurance. I’m extra crippled so I use this electric chair and now it only holds a charge for about an hour or two of actual movement; this is a big reason I only eat once a day and even then sometimes I don’t bother. BTW, this is why you should be kicked in the kidneys if you’ve ever used the phrase “wheelchair-bound.

giphy 1_zps24wdkwdbDid I check the battery? Of course I fucking did. That’s as stupid as asking someone if they restarted their computer. I’m a professional cripple™ so I think I know what I’m doing.

Except that I rolled the dice and put out for a new battery on my credit card when the insurance wasn’t going to do anything, then it turned out to be the actual wheelchair that had finally died.

My wheelchair is over 10 years old.

tumblr_nyrq0aa42C1u9127so1_400_zpsrdaseelnYou are supposed to get a new one more often than that but the last time I needed to replace this wheelchair this mother fucker the salesman did exactly what I knew he would, exactly what all of those people do, fucked me because he was on commission. He ordered the most expensive thing and added everything he could despite my specifically saying not to put anything on the order after it was out of my sight. I couldn’t even sit in the thing because as soon as I did I would slide out. There was so much machinery around me that I couldn’t have driven it if I wanted to. I insisted he take it back with him. I had to yell at him before he took it. He told me I couldn’t get another one and he was right.

They told me I had to wait five more years and here I am.

Here I am…

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I called This Dude at 3 o’clock Friday morning, spit out all the serial numbers stamped on me, and explained why I was up at 3 o’clock in the morning. My caretakers have too little hours. My mom is getting worse. I’m getting worse. I have to stay up all night to keep mom from leaving the house even though all I can do is sit in front of the door. With no assistance I hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom in 12 hours.

Then my voice broke so if I had pulled off sounding like I wasn’t crying it was game over. I quickly asked him to call me back and got off the phone.

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This “nice guy” never called me back, of course. No one did. It’s been a little over a week.

When I first got that call from Nice Guy everyone was so excited but I kept telling them not to get their hopes up and lookie lookie here, I was right. It wasn’t just pessimism. But pessimism had a lot to do with it.

PS. Because of some paperwork auntie took from me back in what they tell me was May I owe Social Security $800 for the error and my disability is still $3.

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This a gas chamber reeks of pessimus.