Diary: I told you the SS was after me!

IHSS is putting me under investigation.

giphyNice Guy who we will now referred to by name, David Neves, and Amy Hoe who I’ll be respectful enough to drop the facetious e at the end of her name have finally decided to do something and what that something is is fuck me.

It’s been a while since I updated my nonexistent readers on what’s happened since I’ve been spending a lot of time getting mom into every specialist she was referred to ASAP while recovering from having carbon monoxide poisoning.

That new caretaker, Princess, only worked for about two weeks. She was always late and at least some degree of stoned, which I totally respect, but one Friday she just didn’t come and I was stuck in bed. I can’t even roll on my own let alone get up so I just laid there.

tumblr_nyo8biZLtz1rjvogeo1_400_zpsjnhrqib5The next night (yes, someone got me up before that because luckily I’m paranoid enough to constantly ask people to check in if they haven’t heard from me exactly because of reasons like this) she told me that she’d gone to San Francisco and gotten more fucked up than she intended and she was still coming down. I had her help me go the bathroom and asked for something that had to be on the stove, which is nearly always rice or potatoes but I don’t remember, and after I ate she said she wasn’t safe to go home and asked to crash. I said yes.

giphy (1)


She took off a little before 4AM and although I had stayed up she didn’t tell me she was leaving, I just heard her.

Savage showed up maybe two hours later and was pissed off about Princess but I didn’t understand what she meant when she said she left the gas on and I didn’t know why I was vomiting.



She sounded sorry and like I said last time, she’s in her mid-20s, so I didn’t report her. The only reason I considered it is because I was worried she might do it to someone else and although I know I’m too trusting that people have good intentions I honestly believe she learned from this. Mom was fine because she had taken to sleeping under at least three blankets with her face fully covered so I guess that worked as a facemask because she was fine and I convinced the EMTs that I didn’t need to go to the hospital so I don’t feel like it was that bad. It was… I can’t really explain what it was like but I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting.

giphy (3)Still, I counted it as a win because I was able to keep my word and not go to the hospital. That ordeal would’ve been much more miserable than projectile vomiting.

After that I was shit out of luck because no one had anyone else to recommend and apparently neither did anyone they knew. Zari put me off of it for about a week but I put a listing on Craigslist. She’s a baby boomer so she’s automatically afraid of technology.


I hired this person:


I’ve nicknamed her Beauty.

giphy (4)I haven’t known her long but she’s been great. She’s nice as well is responsible. She is also incredibly beautiful. After people met her their first comment when she was out of earshot was “she’s so pretty…” Later she was showing me some family photos on her cell phone and I asked her if anyone in her family was ugly. She took a few seconds and considered it thoughtfully and then with 100% modesty said, “no, I don’t think so.”

She didn’t seem to understand why that was so funny to me.

I have two Valium that Princess gave me from her purse stash. I know I’ve become paranoid that people will never believe anything I say so I showed them to Zari as proof that medication needed to be hidden from Princess.

giphy (5)It’s not like I thought she was going to take something but I had gone into withdraw on many a substance so I know how it feels and I know if I was in her position, having a three-year-old child, I wouldn’t want to risk laying in bed for a week. It’s the old adage of anyone being willing to steal in order to keep their family fed.

I wanted to give the pills back to her but she got really paranoid and meet with anyone because she doesn’t want to give my house keys back.

giphy (6)That scares me about as much as auntie keeping a stakeout on me. I thought she had stopped but apparently not.

I found out about it when a few times Zari came to work and saw auntie parked outside my house and each time she sped away when she saw Zari. That was a little while ago but Savage who starts work at 9 o’clock at night (thus darkness) came one day and there was a car parked outside my house that raced off when she came into view.

Obviously I don’t know if that was auntie and I still had no clue when Savage told me what kind of car it was; auntie as a whole lot of vehicles and when she did come over she kept coming in different ones.

giphy (7)Anyway, I did all the office visits and paperwork I was supposed to do to get mom more hours which has become imperative because she’s now completely incontinent and can even dress herself (or stay dressed) and then had to wait another week recovering from the carbon monoxide but finally I got everything to IHSS that they asked for.

giphy (8)I left a message for David Neves first thing on a Monday morning because he says he only comes in on Mondays but for some reason Amy Ho called me shortly thereafter. Weird considering how resistant she has been to calling me.

She was being incredibly nice so I knew something was up and she “calculated” how many more hours mom could get while on the phone with me and only gave her about an hour more a day so it became clear why she intersected that call.

Still, more time is more time and Beauty is willing to work weekends so I was taking what I could get and I’ve been waiting until I can get mom into her GP to fill out the paperwork again in a little more detail so she can do that to mom.

Doesn’t matter anymore because Beauty texted me:


I have no idea if she meant to spell her name wrong or not but it’s kind of hilarious that we both call her that… It’s misogynistic but who could pass up such an easy hoe joke?

The person she was talking about… Is Zari. Like I said, she is one of the reasons Amy Ho refuses to speak with me because she was blowing up her phone earlier in the year obsessed with getting more money. I got her to stop calling but she still going crazy at everyone else.

Last winter a storm we had knocked over some of her trees that were going to fall into the freeway which would obviously kill people. The city told her it was her problem since the trees were still on her property although not entirely still in the ground. People were giving her estimates like $10,000 and she still hasn’t gotten them removed and it’s winter again…

giphy (9)

She only has one other client she only has a few hours with so during the week she just comes and goes as she pleases all through the day which was fine because it was good for me and also she was the only one so all of the hours were going to her anyway. Now that she has to share she’s insisting she should be paid more because she’s here “all day” even though she’s only been here in the afternoons for a long time because every morning she has a disaster. And when she is here she is always on her phone talking were on her laptop doing her own thing. She attends to mom as she does it and mom would rather she just leave her alone so I’m fine with that too.

Like Beauty said, I made a schedule. I told everyone that as of the 16th of this month they all had to stick to this schedule exactly.


The way this investigation thing goes is that someone (it’s supposed to be Amy Ho but she never does her goddamn job) is going to show up randomly and make sure everything is on the up and up.

giphy (10)Oh God, I wish she would.

She’s never met me or my mother. She certainly has never spoken to my mother. All along Amy Ho has been referring to my caretakers as “friends” and I corrected her every time saying that I met them the day they were hired but she kept brushing me off so I knew she didn’t believe me. She wants proof I’m disabled.

Story of my life.

When I was 16 I had to go to the welfare office to “prove” I was disabled which I thought was obvious as I was in an electric wheelchair which is kind of expensive so why go that far when anyone will do. I was wrong. She is literally asked me how she was supposed to know if I was really disabled.giphy (11)

The chick at the welfare office was hostile from the get go but she works in the welfare office so I didn’t blame her but then she said that to me with such contempt that I said, “I don’t know what you want me to do to prove that I can’t walk. I can try to stand up for you but, fair warning, when I get weight on my feet my legs are going to break and you’re gonna have to figure out what to do.”

Having to do things always scares these people.

Too bad Amy Ho is so popular she doesn’t need to even be scared of being scared.

The only thing I can do is bite my tongue so I do. I do my Oliver Twist vernacular.

giphy (13)

Still don’t have a new wheelchair BTW.

Also, I get to pay Social Security $800 in installments so I’ll be getting ironically $800 a month to live off of. I finally figured out why though, it wasn’t auntie’s tampering because Savage reminded me that I made sure I did that paperwork with her in the middle of the night. I didn’t know what was going on at the time but I knew that something was so I was trying to stay safe.

The reason I owe $800 is because in March money was deposited in my checking account which put me over the $2,000 allotment. I could prove I’m still disabled but I still have to give them that money I wasn’t supposed to have.giphy (12)

I wish it was something of various but my birthday is in March and I was having problems getting enough money to pay property taxes so a friend deposited $800 before the checks on my bills had been processed so although my accounting said I was safe I was too ignorant at the time to know how long these things take.

Author: gimpunk

Born with MD; developed, osteoporosis, IBS, PTSD, depression. Sole caretaker of mother with aggressive Alzheimer's. Stereotypical millennial queer. Unpaid indie writer (Terminally Beautiful, Loath Letters, Accessible Love Stories) currently on a break, trying to stay out of a home.

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