Diary: Teaching my mom to be disabled is not going to work

I was emailing a friend so my speech recognition software was on when my mom came in the room so it recorded what I said to her which was

“You can do what you want you can do what you want mom you can do what you want mom can do what you want mom”

That isn’t an error, I actually kept saying it

She’s having a hard making decisions but at the same time she’s getting used to everyone making decisions and speaking for and despite how badly she always dealt with my disability I’m trying to use my experience to make becoming disabled easier on her. But times like this I don’t know if that’s the best idea.

She was trying to decide where to sit, the couch or the rocking chair. To me it’s an insignificant decision but it gives her overwhelming anxiety and she’s becoming prone to anxiety attacks.

She has a little bit of an ability to recall things if you make them simple and repetitive so I’ve been telling her “you can do what you want” in hopes that when I’m not around she’ll be able to remember “I can do what I want.”

Even though I know she can’t. Not because of her disability but because everyone is stripping her of her autonomy and I was never born with any so I don’t have the ability to advocate for her unless I have someone with me advocating for me, repeating my words out of an able-bodied mouth.

I’ve been able to protect her relatively well but when auntie took her to a home it wasn’t a week before she was raped. It was a month before I found out when they finally gave me the paperwork explaining why she was getting kicked out for being too fussy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s