Diary: State obligated trash fire

I didn’t know where I had left off so I read my previous posts and Jesus fucking Christ. Knowing what I know now I just sound tragically naïve and this just started a handful of months ago.. I trusted auntie L when I knew I shouldn’t because I felt like a burden, guilty and ashamed because no matter how much success with IHSS and Social Security I was still pensive and auntie complained about how I couldn’t let myself be happy and I was constantly asking her if I could do something to help and she scolded me for not trusting her despite the fact that she was the only family member I had that didn’t abandon me. Gas lighting is a bitch.

Funny fact: in places like England they refer to flashlights as torches because you’re a failure and the only reason Jesus died for your sins is because it was a package deal

I was wary about auntie L when she kept insisting that we not pursue IHSS despite my insistence that we have to do something because I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. Now that I look back I realize it was the door lock that was the final straw and I hadn’t even thought to mention it in this blog so I wouldn’t have realized it unless I was writing this blog. Goes to show how ridiculous this is because obviously I’m always making the right decisions.

My front door has always been kind of crooked so sometimes it sticks or will only accept keys when it damn well feels like it. We finally had it so everyone had working keys except for auntie. Every time I had given her keys to the house in the past she said she lost them and asked for another set. The last time she told me not to bother because she would just lose them anyway. It didn’t make sense to me which she would suddenly become apathetic to it now that I was living alone and needed people to be able to get in by themselves.

Auntie was at my house and overheard me saying that I was going to get a new door handle. She was very against the idea; what I needed to do was get one of those handles with the digital keypads.

[Obligatory Doctor Who is on first joke]
I immediately turned that idea down and she got frustrated saying that the digital version is the one I needed so she would just get that one for me anyway. I told her no, I wanted to look online to see the brands. I had no intention of agreeing on it but while she was lecturing me I thought it would be interesting to see what they look like so I already planned on doing that.

My secret power about not lying when people asked me if I’m going to try something is that I contemplate everything. Do grapes taste the same to humans as they do to turtles? You asked me if I plan on looking into that my answer will always be absolutely.


Only five posts in and this is the second Ninja Turtle reference
#90s kids who are capable of appreciating things because they were born in the 80s

First thing the next morning auntie came to my house with a brand-new door handle with a touchpad so people had to use a pre-determined code.

Everyone would have to learn a code to get in and the people that didn’t need to get in wouldn’t get in. It was even capable of storing multiple codes so each person could have a different code which would be “kind of cool.”

mission-impossibleZari exchanged looks of “no fucking way” when she leaned down to pick more out of the box. I thanked auntie and because I would’ve felt guilty that she had wasted money I agreed to use it.


It was sitting on the kitchen side board for over a week. Auntie began to become snarky toward me and every time I was in the kitchen and saw that thing I would feel sick to my stomach and I didn’t know why. That’s when I knew there was something going on that I didn’t know about and I had to get the toxic thing out of the house.  Thank God I’m pagan.

tumblr_o4gfkzLUjO1qdewlro1_500_zpsszhpba5dSavage and I had become incredibly close friends rather quickly and she has an even more incredible ability to judge people. She can suss you out at first glance. She is a better looking Sherlock Holmes. Every time I took her advice she was right.


My decisions were hit or miss.



Mom’s home.

She returned home with a few of her trinkets wearing clothing that didn’t fit her because it didn’t belong to her.


Auntie had been texting Zari asking how mom was an Zari keeps telling her she is “fine.” Last week when Zari got here Auntie pulled up in a way that indicated she had been parked and was waiting for her arrival. Auntie called out the window, “how’s [mom]?” To which Zari replied, “fine” and continued walking up the pathway toward my door. Auntie sped away.

I suicidal tendencies

Auntie got back into town after the sudden miracle of getting mom to stay exactly 2 weeks which were the two weeks she was invited out of state on vacation whereas days before she had said mom had to get home immediately. By the time she came back I had already gotten replacements of all mom medical cards and was almost done setting up her banking so I could adult all over her ass if she came for me. I had an appointments scheduled for myself on a Monday and Tuesday to finish taking care of her Social Security and get my license to leave the city.

Because, and let’s not forget this, for me to use public transport which requires wheelchair access I was on a waiting list for three months to go in for an interview to be judged whether or not I was disabled enough to be allowed to be on the only public transportation available to me. You know that joke that immigrants in America have to keep their papers with them whenever they go out? Same for disabled people.


That night auntie texted Zari and asked for blog is number and Zari told her that it wasn’t her place to give it but she would ask Savage if she would like her to have her phone number.


I got a text from Savage that said “LMAO” with a lot of emoticons

Zari got back a text that said “tell her no.”

Auntie was furious. She started texting Zari things like “if it wouldn’t be too much trouble” which is exactly the thing she railed on me for doing that started this fucking shit.

Zari was nervous, though, because she didn’t want auntie thinking it was her that went to the home to dig up information about her.

Which is what Savage did the day before.

Shout out to Nora Slatkin

We knew it would only be about 24 hours before she found out. Savage went to the home and said that she was mom’s caregiver (true) and that the family had sent her to pick up the rest of mom’s things (true) and when they said that auntie is the only one to get her things no she acted annoyed and asked, “If they didn’t want me here then why would she send me here?” Also not a lie just misleading. “Do you really think I bother coming if I didn’t have to?” Also not a lie. At first they didn’t tell her anything but then when she called them on a lie about how the laundry room is managed they asked and she confessed that she had worked in facilities like that before. After that they started talking to her enough for her to weasel out some information.

You can see the exact moment she hears herself

Savage shocked my white world. She said that she approached staff that spoke Spanish, giving them some fake question to answer, and she only speaks to them back in Spanish so they think she might not be comfortable speaking in English and they immediately become her friend. All the people that only speak English also notice this and start to suspect they’re being talked about which helps course the person into giving her information she shouldn’t.

That superpower is a whole lot cooler than mine.

The staff Savage talked to said auntie took everything mom had except for some clothing that was in the laundry (since she showed up on the spur of the moment because she wanted to deliver her before I could get to any appointments.) Savage said that the CNA personally saw her put the bag of mom’s things into her car before she left. They hadn’t had any of her clothes at the time because it was a laundry day and everything was out.

giphy (1)

Savage relented on her “no contact” policy for auntie for Zari and because of a similar personality trait, she didn’t want anyone to take the blame for her victorious counterattacks. She wanted all the credit. Zari gave auntie her number and as I was reading the text later I nearly felt bad for auntie because she said the exact things that piss Savage off the most, thinking she was flattering her.

Auntie emphatically thanked her for everything she’s done, she asked how mom was doing and auntie herself was helping bu she just found out I changed my mother’s doctors appointment without notifying her despite the fact that I knew she was taking mom and it was hard with me constantly “changing things.”

“I will eat your babies, bitch.” – A wise woman

See what had happened was auntie brought mom home and I caught her telling Zari that she needed to go the doctor so I asked for information and auntie didn’t look me in the eye and muttered something about how she needs her prescriptions reissued and that she would make an appointment. I cheerfully and very loudly thanked her but said I would do it.


She said, “that’s okay, I don’t mind.”

And I said, “thank you but no, don’t worry about it.”

Auntie had tried to cancel mom’s Alzheimer’s medication because she thought mom would be better off if she was on psychotic medication yet to be determined. So, yeah. I changed that shit.


Savage texted her back thanking her for the compliments, telling her that mom was “fine”  (I told her that was the word Zari kept using) and she ended the reply by saying she was happy to help me because I needed someone I could depend on and that she tells me all the time I should stop thanking her so much.

brace for impactShe asked if I thought auntie would get it, the dig about saying “thank auntie” and thought that she hadn’t because she hadn’t texted her back in a few hours but I told her that auntie is flaky even with her drama and we would find out within 48 hours.

48 hours later auntie texted his:


This is what has always bugged me about her, in an attempt to be sarcastic she uses this kiddie voice like she’s auditioning to be a playboy bunny.

I asked literally everyone that they suggested I do. Seriously, I even asked the relief society president at mom’s church. Her rejection was so well-crafted that I had to admire it. Everyone said it different but they all said that they had no idea what to do because it was impossible to make auntie happy and this drama was getting old so could I please not ask them for any more advice. Even May’s mom. And she always has an opinion about everything. No shade, so do I.

giphy (3)

Slowly but surely more things came to light…

Zari wasn’t getting her timecards and therefore not getting paid. We had also yet to have gotten any timesheets for mom now that she was back home she was in IHSS again. Everyone Zari called told her to call my social worker. My social worker refused to speak with anyone but auntie.

Last week when Zari was over my social worker finally picked up. There is a lot of other issues I’ve been needing to speak with my social worker about but Zari was only asking about payroll to which the social worker told her to call payroll.

Zari is a classic white woman trope that demand to speak to the manager, she’ll kill herself if it means she will get an apology from someone of authority.

I emphatically asked Zari to have her call me and she did. 15 minutes later, which apparently wasn’t enough time for her to calm down, the social worker called and she was incredibly annoyed launching right into Zari’s refusal to call payroll and she just talked over me with increasing volume. She had enough adrenaline for a Tokyo shift. Thinking back I just kept saying “I” over and over.

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”
― C.S. Lewis

Pretty selfish of me.

Finally she had finished talking and tried to get off the phone by saying she had taken care of it all (Zari’s timesheets) and so I put on that mask.

Thank you so much

I’m sorry for any trouble

your job was so hard so I completely understand

I don’t know anything that’s going on so please talk to me really slowly because I’m really fucking stupid

BTW, why didn’t you call me back if you are my social worker? What documents do you have stating that auntie was my guardian and would you like to see my competency papers? It’s no trouble at all, I can fax them immediately

I should be thankful to you for going above and beyond by sending an email

And that’s when she told me the guy who initially came to my house from IHSS, the one that had me paying the first caretaker out of my own pocket, never filed any of the paperwork I had done. Auntie had called and told them what to put down. This goes without saying but that’s a hate crime, bro. I know auntie had told everyone at Golden Living my her tragic story and every time he had spoken to anyone there they had pointed out the fact that I was disabled and should be thankful.

I swear to God, the words were “you should be thankful.”

I asked my social worker how much information someone had to present to IHSS to get full authority despite my legal competency. Was it just my name and birthday? How strict were these policies exactly.

Kofi scratching his ass with that expression just cracks me up for some reason

You’ve got to give it to her, she lasted longer than most social workers before taping out. Of course she didn’t admit any wrongdoing on her part, she still insisted she went above and beyond for fixing Zari’s timecards but things could’ve been handled better it was just that she had been burnt so many times. She always put herself out there for her clients, everyone has always talked about how charitable she is.

Wait a minute, you are social worker who’s been jaded by giving her life away to work in a corrupt system just to help the less fortunate?


I put my mask back on and since she has the depth of a child she went for the vanishing salt.

You know what? We are both just frustrated and we’re defensive because we’ve been through this horrible system for so long. Let’s put everything aside and move forward. We’re in this together.

She immediately started speaking with me as if we were friends and said that dealing with people “that won’t help themselves” and then she gave me a few anecdotes which I’m pretty definitely sure is illegal.

That didn’t bear much more fruit but she did say that she thought it was strange auntie had been acting weirdly the last couple weeks.

Needle in a haystack

There is some budding fruit: I convinced her to remove auntie from my contacts. Doesn’t mean she actually did it or that it will actually work.

But apparently you can stroll into the social services department with the two peace and a biscuit and they will give you access to anyone’s autonomy.

A few days ago I got a notice of action that said mom would be losing Medi-Cal because of… Hello if I know. It was only identified by serial number so I have no idea.

After calling and dealing with all that we I out from Medi-Cal that Golden Living put in a claim they should have been receiving mom’s SSI instead of moi.


Medi-Cal was super nice, you just have to wait on the phone for a lunar year. They looked it up and said I could throw away the letter, it had been sent out when they made the claim which was reviewed and rejected. I can only hope that wasn’t just a lie to get off the phone which happens a lot which is why you have to call multiple times which is why they get frustrated and lie to you in the first place.

What I can’t understand is… Why? Obviously the claim was over a laughable amount of money, just a few hundred, so why would they bother? The only thing I can think is that one of the friends auntie made in there did it for but that is…




Author: gimpunk

Born with MD; developed, osteoporosis, IBS, PTSD, depression. Sole caretaker of mother with aggressive Alzheimer's. Stereotypical millennial queer. Unpaid indie writer (Terminally Beautiful, Loath Letters, Accessible Love Stories) currently on a break, trying to stay out of a home.

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